I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
