cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
