The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
