Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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