Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
