I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
