im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
