Already got asked if we're dating
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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