you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
