Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
