Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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