he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
