He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
