I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
