so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
