I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
