The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
