Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
