I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
