i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
