I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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