It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
