my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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