Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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