did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
