Do you still have your period?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
