I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
