I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
