I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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