Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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