i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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