even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
