It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
