I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
