Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
