just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
