So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
