She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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