I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
