Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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