I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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