Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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