I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
