How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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