I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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