i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
