Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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