I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
