I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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