You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
