4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
