Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
