I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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