Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
