It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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