Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
